HOME ALONE......AT NIGHT.
As an only child, I've long gotton used to being alone at home..
And I've always loved it.
I enjoy the freedom, the peace, the quietness of the house...
The freedom to do whatever I want to..
I always tell Feng,
throw me in a foreign country, alone, and I'll still survive happily..
I supposed I enjoy the independence...
But recently, I have been challenging this thought again..
Do I really enjoy being alone at home..?
To be precise, at night.
It all started when, some afternoons, I went back home alone as Feng is busy..
I'd switched on the air con on powerful mode while taking a long bathe...
After this, my room would be ultra cold..
I'll pull my fluffy blanket up, and slowly drift into a deep deep sleep,
on the right side of my bed only, by habit....
My room would still be bright at this time.
Often, hours later, I'll wake up feeling cold, in a room of pure darkess and quietness...
thats when I'd feel real ALONE.
I'll feel a little sense of fear, or, loneliness in me.
Lying down, I don't even want to move an inch.
Even the slightest pin drop would set my heart jumping...
When I finally decided to move,
I'll hurry up to find the nearest flicker of my switch.
I want bright white light at this point of time.
No longer the cosy, orange light that I've always prefered.
Next, I'll call Feng to see when he is coming back.
I'll only feel better when I get to hear his voice, under the bright, white lights.
If he was sleeping by my side all along,
I'd imagined myself waking up,
struggling to find my handphone for the time..
I'll probably shake him up to tell him we'd overslept..
and, probably, we would decide where to go for dinner, then get changed and leave the house.
As simple as that.
Coming back to my chavinistic thoughts that I'd love being so alone at home,
these scenarios really set me pondering...
Do i really detest darkness? Detest being home alone at night?
Or have I simply gotton so used to having Feng by my side all this while....?
I'm still pondering....
In the meantime,
I hope Feng doesn't call me a little girl....
As an only child, I've long gotton used to being alone at home..
And I've always loved it.
I enjoy the freedom, the peace, the quietness of the house...
The freedom to do whatever I want to..
I always tell Feng,
throw me in a foreign country, alone, and I'll still survive happily..
I supposed I enjoy the independence...
But recently, I have been challenging this thought again..
Do I really enjoy being alone at home..?
To be precise, at night.
It all started when, some afternoons, I went back home alone as Feng is busy..
I'd switched on the air con on powerful mode while taking a long bathe...
After this, my room would be ultra cold..
I'll pull my fluffy blanket up, and slowly drift into a deep deep sleep,
on the right side of my bed only, by habit....
My room would still be bright at this time.
Often, hours later, I'll wake up feeling cold, in a room of pure darkess and quietness...
thats when I'd feel real ALONE.
I'll feel a little sense of fear, or, loneliness in me.
Lying down, I don't even want to move an inch.
Even the slightest pin drop would set my heart jumping...
When I finally decided to move,
I'll hurry up to find the nearest flicker of my switch.
I want bright white light at this point of time.
No longer the cosy, orange light that I've always prefered.
Next, I'll call Feng to see when he is coming back.
I'll only feel better when I get to hear his voice, under the bright, white lights.
If he was sleeping by my side all along,
I'd imagined myself waking up,
struggling to find my handphone for the time..
I'll probably shake him up to tell him we'd overslept..
and, probably, we would decide where to go for dinner, then get changed and leave the house.
As simple as that.
Coming back to my chavinistic thoughts that I'd love being so alone at home,
these scenarios really set me pondering...
Do i really detest darkness? Detest being home alone at night?
Or have I simply gotton so used to having Feng by my side all this while....?
I'm still pondering....
In the meantime,
I hope Feng doesn't call me a little girl....
posted by holder of the pink pandora box @ Friday, July 20, 2007
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